Practical Magic
No matter how our reactions might seem in retrospect, our nervous system is always working to keep us safe. When our nervous system senses danger or distress, it moves into a protective state. And so we build patterns of protection. Within these, we are typically living in the part of our nervous system that isn’t built for connection. It’s built to defend in some way, be it through fighting or fleeing or shutting down entirely. The opposite are patterns of connection. This happens through the ventral vagal state, as taught by Stephen Porges, Deb Dana, and others.
A healthy nervous system is one that is flexible, able to move between states of protection and connection without getting stuck in the protective state. Deb Dana writes in Anchored, “As we increase our ability to move between patterns of protection and patterns of connection, and not get stuck in protection, we build flexibility. Flexibility is tied to resilience. Resilience is an outcome of a nervous system that moves from connection to protection and back to connection with some ease.”
Not getting stuck in protective patterns is essential to our well-being, and essential for healthy engagement with the world. Yet, we must have a frame of reference for connection. Our body must have a feeling state to return to, an inner geography of “home” that our nervous system remembers.
This is why daily, simple, repeatable practices are so important. The practices for ventral vagal connection must be “Monday Morning Practical,” as one of my teacher describes. I understand this from a place of practice and am reminded of this from Deb Dana: “Shaping our systems in new ways is a gentle process that unfolds over time. While we want change to happen now, in an instant, the autonomic nervous system most often finds its way both to creating new patterns and into deepening the pathways that are already present and nourishing by doing small things over and over.” So, friends, a reminder that it is the daily, small tools that we use over and over that will create important pathways within us. While this can seem frustrating on the days that I want big change all at once, I find it redemptive and encouraging, too.
Last week, I offered my ten daily practices for connection throughout the day. In fact, one subscriber friend who is also a regular Friday morning yoga student with me wrote the ten practices on an index card after realizing how quick and easy each is to incorporate into her day!
This week, another “show and tell” peek into some practices I use on a regular basis to start my day, in order to build pathways toward ventral vagal connection. I began learning this routine with Summer Joy Gross (who has her wonderful book The Emmanuel Promise launching into the world this Tuesday, April 30th) and now offer it to myself and students regularly.
Here’s the practice:
Start with naming how you’re showing up. The ability to identify our state of being helps us have a means of exploring our experience. The first thing I do when I begin my morning practice is to ask this question, “How am I showing up today on a scale of 1-10?” I consider 1 the most fragile, disconnected, or overwhelmed state and 10 the most abundant, settled, grateful, or connected feeling. I do this quickly without ruminating over or judging the number. It’s a simple noticing and naming practice. This number is where I am right now physically and/or mentally and emotionally—it’s not indicative of my value.
Then I ask myself, “What is one simple thing that could make me go up one number?” I try to answer this, too, as simply as possible with something that is tangible and easy. For example, maybe I’m feeling physically low and I know that drinking extra water or planning to eat a good breakfast will improve my state of being. Maybe it’s a sense of loneliness that I understand will be aided by calling a friend or finding a source of laughter. I might sense that I need a slower pace, and can plan to sit with a cup of tea, or I might plan to go for a walk outside in the sunshine. Simple. Easy. Tangible.
Next I name my emotions or feelings. This is like a fill in the blank for a statement like, “I feel _____________ because _____________.” Now we get to sense the message that our nervous system is sending us and to investigate it a bit. Again, this isn’t something that should be looked at with judgement; rather, our feelings should be examined compassionately and with the knowledge that by naming these feelings and considering the why, we bring them to the surface of our experience where we can start to understand how to hold them. For this question, I like to use a feelings wheel. There are many of these wheels available online for reference, but my current favorite is one that comes out of the Enneagram tradition and can be found here: "Art of Growth Feeling Wheel"
I love the way that this wheel shows me a reminder of what it feels like when my center is available to me. This is the experience of living with peace, faith, and love. Yet, protective patterns can pull me away from that center and then what am I feeling? Often we have a certain tendency with this. My tendency is to live in the section where patterns of love exist, so when I’m living outside of this I might cross over sadness or shame into something like feeling vulnerable, fragile, or guilty. Seeing this and naming it, I can then inquire toward the why behind it, and start to also see my own patterns through repeated recognition.
Once I’ve named, I quiet my scattered attention. There are numerous ways to thoughtfully and purposely support my attention. Some days, I use my senses, moving through present moment awareness by observing my sensory experiences one by one. Or I might intentionally relax the muscles of my face, jaw, and inner ear, and align my attention to my breath. Or I may use the havening practice. Again, I use a practice that is simple and repeatable so that I can take just a few minutes to settle my nervous system and slow my thoughts into a more attentive state.
Finally, before I enter into a longer period of contemplative mediation, I ask a final question: “What am I grateful for?” The practice of gratitude has been hyped up for years, often without much context. I find that it can be confused sometimes with the #blessed messaging, and bypass the whole truth of life. This is part of the reason why the practice of naming is also essential. However, gratitude, or an appreication for what is valuable and meaningful, is another self-transcendent practice that is also essential—and relatively easy to engage in.
Much like the the practices of awe and compassion, gratitude is an embodied feeling that is tied to the ventral vagal system. And also like the practices of awe and compassion, there are physiologically measurable results that occur as we enter a moment of gratitude: our heart rhythms change, blood pressure drops, our immune function improves, stress is reduced and we sleep longer and deeper. Psychologically, we tend to feel more joyful, more alive, more generous, more compassionate, and more connected to others. We even experience more life satisfaction and less burnout. All of these are outcomes of being anchored in the ventral state.
Together, these practices help me build patterns that anchor me to a more connected state before I move into a practice of yoga or meditation. And, though they are deeply supportive for my nervous system, each of these practices require very little time. All together, I spend about 8-10 minutes. And every time, it feels like a kind of “practical magic” has worked on me.
I would love to share the whole process with you. The practice you’ll find HERE is the most recent recorded practice from the live class I offer on Friday mornings. In this, I’ll take you through a simple, repeatable morning practice that will hopefully prepare your nervous system for greater connection over time. I’ll be including the recorded class for paid subscribers only in this weekly Substack going forward. I hope you’ll practice and let me know how you feel.
It is a great privilege to offer these practices. There are ways upcoming to spend even more time nourishing yourself—either by joining me on retreat to gorgeous Chacala, Mexico or by studying with me in the upcoming Yoga Training.
A retreat with me is a way to experience caring for your nervous system daily over the period of a week, while being nourished with deliciously prepared local foods, and immersing in a special culture and space. This October’s retreat to this beautiful space in Mexico promises to be truly special. You can learn more by contacting me or by going to my retreat page here.
Why study with me? I have been leading yoga teacher trainings for 12 years, and I am renewed each year by the spirit of community that has become a great means of support for those who attend. I offer a training that is for people who desire to understand more about the practice of yoga, particularly nervous system regulation and healing, physical safety throughout a lifetime, and the ways that the practice helps to support overall well-being. This live, in-person training will begin in September 2024. Reach out to me for more details or read more HERE
